The Summer of the 'Stache

A few months ago
I walk the aisles of the grocery store and consider the opportunities…
Beneath my mask, I could have anything. I could have wacky facial hair, tattoos, piercings, anything. My fellow shoppers would remain clueless. I make a resolution. I will grow a mustache until seen, in all its glory, while shopping the aisles of the grocery store.

A few months later
Some stores now allow mask-less shopping. I have kept my resolution thus far and can see my mustache’s first shopping trip on the horizon. I’ve learned a lot during this experience and would like to share with you my findings. At the end of this blog, I will ask you to grow your own mustache. For better context and frankly, full disclosure, I am compelled to share the highlights of my facial hair history.

Facial Hair Track Record
I was a baby-faced college freshman and an upperclassman’s Elvis-esque sideburns inspired me. I tried to grow my own. I tried for far too long.

The look was more side-beard than sideburn. Between hairline and sideburn ran a river of bald spot named denial. A lock of hair, awkwardly brushed over my ear, bridged the gap and kept me from drowning beneath a rising tide of insecurity. I kept telling myself that the hairless patches would eventually grow in. I very slowly grew to realize that they would not.

For a while, I lived on a shave-to-shave basis. I would let my beard grow free, live my life for a few weeks, realize I looked homeless, shave, repeat. Even at such intervals, shaving became an onerous chore. I quickly talked myself into a new exciting idea.

Maybe my beard problem is one of commitment. Perhaps I should go all in, let it grow out, endure the homeless-phase, go full beard, and give myself the chance to see what we’re really working with…

I let my facial hair grow wild. My electric razor gathered dust. The experiment ended only after a classmate came up to me as I packed my books:

Bro: Hey, man, so I was just wondering, like, what are you going for with the facial hair situation? 

Me: Ahhhhh. 

Bro: Yeah, it’s just (Making expanding hand motions from his cheeks), pretty wild…

Did I look like a “Fat Wolverine” cosplay? Yes. 
Screw that guy? Screw that guy.

 
Present Day with an Awe-Inspiring Mustache
Years have passed since my last blog-worthy facial hair resolution. Laziness and chin-fat insecurities have been the main influencers towards my shaving. I usually have some sort of beard and I usually shave it before I look homeless. Usually. To be certain, I have not been shaving with a sense of excitement or awe.

You might say that I am being childish, that I should not need to be excited about shaving or that most people just do it because they are adults living in a society. You might be right, but I do not think I am wrong because by the end of aisle seven I had fully embraced ‘stache life and I have not looked back since.
 
I have had a mustache for a few months now and can report a grand time. I am thoroughly enjoying it. The reactions from people only familiar with my pre-‘stached face are wonderful. Confused, surprised, amused expressions are frequently staring back at my smiling mustached face. 

While I have full faith in the mustache taking the nation by storm, I know that it is not the 80’s. As when deviating from any societal norm, there is a fear of judgement. There is a fear that others will find my face to be preposterous and judge me thusly. In making this mustache resolution, however, I have found a way to devalue that judgment.

The resolution has become the ideal for which I am striving. If others want to evaluate my upper lip against their own understanding of the ideal upper lip, then that really has nothing to do with me. The referee can blow their whistle, but I am playing an entirely different game. I have found this perspective powerful. Deciding to appear out of the ordinary, inviting attention on your own terms, it feels like armor. Instead of waiting on reactions, I am looking for them. Sure, there is a fear of judgment, but when you have already judged yourself, the only one left to react is the judge. 

The Summer of the Stache
You do not see what you are not looking for. Until I started growing my own mustache, I did not notice how many others were also sporting mustaches. Now that I am looking, I am noticing. Mustaches. EVERYWHERE.

This brings me to the tripartite purpose of this post: I am calling my shot, inviting you to join me, and asking for your help in making 2021 The Summer of the ‘Stache.

Shot called: During your first mask-less grocery trip, you will see significantly more mustaches than you did the last time you went shopping without a mask.

Invite: Dudes, join me.

Ask: I humbly ask that you tell someone they would look good with a mustache.

Worst case: They do not want a mustache, probably just focus on the “look good” part, and appreciate the hypothetical compliment.
Best case: They are already mustache-curious and your kind words are the catalyst for something glorious.