Ink Master Watcher’s Compendium
By Matthew R Hayes
Originally published on InkedMag.com
My girlfriend and I are binge watching Ink Master. Ink Master is a great show. It combines competition, artistry, strategy, and permanent physical consequences. I don’t know if there is a wrong way to watch the show, but I do believe that we are doing it right. I hope the insights we have gained from our Ink Master binge may enhance your own enjoyment of one of the greatest productions in reality-television history.
The Ink Master Hydration Game
This would not be an Ink Master Watcher’s Compendium without an Ink Master Drinking Game. This is a family friendly Ink Master Watcher’s Compendium, however, and I am a strong proponent for proper hydration. Drink water. It is good for you at all ages.
Set yourself up with at least a pint of water, prepare to get hydrated.
Rules:
Drink when:
· Someone uses the phrase: “Shot yourself in the foot”
· A contestant say’s that they don’t think they will finish the tattoo
· Dave compliments a beautiful woman
o x2 if Dave is creepy about it
· A contestant tells someone how long they have been tattooing
· A contestant tries to define a word
o See vocab section below
· Oliver cracks his knuckles
· Chris talks about fundamentals of tattooing
Finish your drink when:
- A contestant tattoos themselves
Peeing makes the commercial breaks pass by quicker, you’re welcome.
Pecking
Oliver Peck is the greatest. If you are reading this, you probably know that by now. If you don’t know, follow him on Instagram.
Peck is known for his signature top button only style. While Dave’s look has changed from year to year, and Chris is always a different variation of dapper, Oliver is ride or die with his look.
I’m ride or die with Oliver. Recently, my girlfriend and I have adopted Oliver’s signature look as our own during the rare occasions that we’ve left the apartment during this Ink Master marathon. We call it Pecking. It's seven degrees in Boston and only my top button is clasped. Am I colder than I would be if I finished buttoning my jacket? Sure. Do I smile every time I see myself in the mirror? Yes. Do what you will, but if you want my advice: #StayPecked.
Don’t Get Spoiled
If you can, watch the seasons chronologically. Too many recurring contestants and references to previous seasons are made to watch the seasons out of order. On the same token, watch season nine before you watch Ink Master Angels. Yes, you should watch Ink Master Angels. Kelly Doty is the greatest, her hosting rivals that of Dave Navarro. I want to be friends with Kelly Doty. A twitter follow would suffice, Kelly. @MisterMatuel
Once you watch Season nine and Ink Master Angels, don’t forget to follow @KellyDotyLovesSoup on instagram.
Be careful on Instagram, however. If you too find yourself addicted to the artistry displayed on the show, you will inevitably find yourself in an Instagram rabbit hole chasing your tattoo fix. Instagram is like crack to the fan of tattoo art. Be careful. I would resist the urge to look at your favorite contestant’s page until after you finish watching their season. There is nothing worse than being spoiled.
Dave Navarro
Oliver Peck and Chris Nunez, the other two judges on the show, are tattoo legends.
“Dave Navarro? The Rockstar? He should leave the tattoo critique to the experts.” One might say.
And to that person I would say, “How dare you?”
Dave Navarro is never wrong. He has a good eye for what looks good on the skin and his critiques are always valid. Whenever Oliver and Chris disagree on a tattoo, Dave always picks the tattoo that I would have chosen. Rock on Dave.
My girlfriend and I have been using Dave as our own personal Dick Clark. Whenever Dave counts down from ten to end a challenge, we pretend it is New Year’s Eve and kiss when Dave announces time as up. It’s cute. It’s adorable. It’s also a good outlet for the sexual energy that rises in the room whenever Chris Nunez is on the screen. (Yes Randy, my girlfriend thinks Chris Nunez is hot.)
Vocabulary Section
My favorite part of the show is when the contestants try to define the skill of the week. Ink Master turns into Sesame Street for ten seconds. It is my favorite sip of the Ink Master Hydration game.
The editing is great. They always seem to first show the poorest definition attempt followed shortly thereafter by someone who actually knows what the word means. These artists are tattooists, not poets, so I’ve compiled the dictionary definitions below for some of the commonly tested attributes.
For a good laugh, I’d recommend bookmarking this page and comparing this pocket dictionary to whatever the contestant says on television:
Accuracy – the condition or quality of being true, correct, or exact; freedom from error or defect; precision or exactness; correctness.
Adaptability – ability to adjust oneself readily to different conditions.
Balance – a state of equilibrium; equal distributions of weight, amount, etc.
Composition – the act of combining parts or elements to form a whole.
Consistency - agreement, harmony, or compatibility, especially correspondence or uniformity among the parts of a complex thing.
Contrast - opposition or juxtaposition of different forms, lines, or colors in a work of art to intensify each element's properties and produce a more dynamic expressiveness.
Detail - intricate, finely wrought decoration.
Dimension – a property of space; extension in a given direction.
Finesse - extreme delicacy or subtlety in action, performance, skill, discrimination, taste, etc.
Flexibility - susceptible of modification or adaptation; adaptable.
Gradation - any process or change taking place through a series of stages, by degrees, or in a gradual manner.
Ingenuity - the quality of being cleverly inventive or resourceful; inventiveness:
Precision – accuracy, exactness.
Proportion - comparative relation between things or magnitudes as to size, quantity, number, etc.; ratio.
Saturation – purity of a color.
Texture - the visual and especially tactile quality of a surface
In conclusion, stay hydrated, stay pecked, stay up on your vocab, and enjoy the show!
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Originally published on Inkedmag.com
